#didnt see this ask earlier but YAY GOOD TIMING

[synth-spinner]

Character playlist you say?

^ heard like 4 songs that made me think of The Guy™ and it snowballed forever and ever 💙💙💙💥

[nomairuins]

we had fun tho the whole family hung out and we did some sporclee and chronophoto and then globle me n lamp nd father did globle bc mein mamma went to sleep. yay :]

[revalition]

HELLO!!! congrats on finishing the intellect skills!!! :D!! this ask is your free pass to share any INT quotes you didn't get to share this week >:3!!! i would LOVE to read all of your cool quotes!!! <33 (if you have more than can fit in this ask i CAN AND WILL SEND YOU ANOTHER if you want me to!! hkjg <333)

hello voli!! ooh... I like this. You also get my not-asked-for comments on them, yay!

fair warning that most of these are probably 'less good' quotes since i had to pick and choose the ones I liked best to put in the posts. but. anyway.

making a cut here because it's gonna be loooong

lots of Logic ones! he has the most passives of all the skills so...

hehe logic won't let you mess up some important stuff!

this second one, Kim will stop you. And if Kim's not there, Reaction Speed will stop you (easy). And if RS doesn't fire, Logic stops you haha.

he gets so excited! very rarely!

go go logic deny it!

big one, but I love when so many talk at once. yeah logic, why didnt you think of it?? hmm??

as always, it's you who's dumb! never ever logic

it's endlessly funny to me when the skills ask the others to contribute and then they just... dont show up.

good question...

This one is SO funny. Logic. ily. this is also a Medium check!! I completely missed this one when searching through earlier. I wish fayde could just bomb my computer with all the logic dialogue so I could sift through 80 pages of it, instead of limiting it to 100 results :(

(this shows up if the query is too big - Sorry, all the words from your query were filtered out. Please use less common words, and ones which are longer than 1 letter (partial and mid-word matches count, you see, so searching 'd' would return everything with a 'd' in it, and that's like 53,000 records, you won't want to read all that!) and, like... no, no, you are severely underestimating me. I actually do want to read all that, desperately)

anyway.

Logic passive fails my beloved

is he not creative enough to make something up?? echem, drama, and inland come up with times for him

hghhk the great serotonin jackpot. I'm super normal about electrochemistry. who is NOT an int skill and will have to wait. logic's comment heals your morale!!

ah yes, very normal things for a joyrider to have in their car. ty logic!

his love of jigsaw puzzlessss

what could go wrong??

related:

this is a different check! but thank goodness for these guys and their stupidly brilliant ideas. saved the day in my 1 INT run.

wow! sarcastic logic my beloved. one second before empathy throws moralism at you

mmm, this one isn't super logic focused, but you can't get this dialogue without passing the challenging Logic passive... and it's really interesting.

this is about to get really rambly but I read a story once about if when you die, your soul travels to a timeline where the flow of events was different and you didn't die. But as your life progresses, avoiding death becomes less and less likely... (eg, avoiding death by getting hit by a bus would take you to a very similar timeline. But avoiding death from old age...) and by the end, the world was unrecognizable. It was a bit sad... I wish I could remember what it was called.

This dialogue reminded me of it. Of the improbable futures. A world where you hit that 3% chance on the dice over and over and it slowly changes everything.

anyway!!

if you didn't deduce that the 2mm hole in the world is a baby pale, a Legendary Logic passive can deduce that it's really off that your radio is catching entroponetic crosstalk all the way in Martinaise.

If you deduce the pale in the church, Soona comments that the recording in the electronic doorbell is likely crosstalk, and Kim makes a comment about often getting crosstalk on the police radio as well.

But it doesn't seem like anyone else has come to the same conclusion...

Harry knows a lot more about the pale than he should.

The final rest state for reality.

hustler logic!!

Logic... come on man. this is not helping. The whole dream is so horrible. He's so nonchalant about it too.

Look at this! The variable is called volition tea... Conceptualization imagining the yummy ginger tea for you is so sweet

I love this. Poor Kim...

Thank you Conceptualization. We would be lost without you.

:(((

poor harry

KIM don't take away concy's poetic name!! >:(

I love these twooo.

and that's apparently 30... uhm. I got extra logic and conceptualization ones in at least..?

you can feel free to send another ask if you actually want even more haha

I was supposed to spend tonight assembling volition quotes!!! and then I somehow got sidetracked on this for (checks clock...) 2 hours. oops. but it's okay cause I picked up lots of other great quotes to shove into my giant doc!

ok :) that's it. thank you for the ask!!! hopefully you don't regret asking (though if you do... you should have known better lol)

[kyber-kisses]

Blood and Steel (Part.2)

Aemond Targaryen x Reader

Warnings: it’s game of thrones hall, you know what you’re getting into. (But there’s no incest so yay!)

Summary: When Y/N left her noble house behind she set her sights on Dragonstone to swear fealty to the rightful heir of the seven kingdoms. What she didnt expect was to be made her ward as well as her handmaiden. Now she is her sworn protector and hidden in plain sight at Rhaenyras side. If anyone were to make a move against the rightful queen they would never se her coming. . . except for maybe a one eyed prince

A/N: you can find all available chapters on wattpad and Ao3! Enjoy my mediocre writing!

"You shouldn't have done that."

"Oh and what was a supposed to do? Let the sword hit us?" You questioned, as the three of you took quick steps through the hallways of the Red Keep, heading back towards the guest quarters and away from the potential drama you may have caused.

"Of course not, we could have ducked."

"No offense but I don't think you two would have been quick enough."

"I thought it was amazing. Jace did you see the look on Aemonds face when she caught it?" Luke questioned, tugging on his brothers cloak in an attempt to slow him down. "He looked so startled."

"That's not a good enough reason to let it slide." Jace sighed, the three of you taking the stairs two at a time as he did. "Y/N, you know what our mother said. While we are here you have to lay low, act like a regular Lady."

"And I will ask it again. Did you want me to just allow that sword to take off my ear?"

Falling quiet you slowed your steps to take a breath, deep down you knew Jacaerys was right.

Ever since you had been ten and one you had not been raised in the traditional ways of a lady. Your late father had loved you dearly and instead of sending you off into the harsh world alone, he taught you how to protect yourself- despite your mothers wishes. But because of him you had gotten this far in life, and you intended to go much further.

And when you stepped foot on the docks of Dragonstone prepared to be a simple handmaiden in the castle, Daemon Targaryen had bore witness to what your father had taught you as you had thrown a fully grown boat captain over your shoulder when he had gotten to handsy.

And that was the moment an absurd yet brilliant idea was born. You were to be Rhaenyras handmaiden but also a act as a shield and sword hidden in plain sight when Daemon or any others were not around.

A sworn protector hidden right at her side.

And now here you were.

You hadn't wanted to leave the Princesses side earlier, but an order was an order and you had to continue to play your roll to perfection.

Luke and Jace continued to escort you back to your quarters in silence until you reached the massive oak door.

"We won't tell Mother. And I doubt Aemond will either. He doesn't like people knowing he can be caught off guard." Jace stated, opening the door for you as he did.

"I'm not worried about that. I'm worried about the several other people who also saw that happen. If word gets around it will compromise my position." Letting out a sigh you stepped through the threshold, running your palms down the creases in your dress. "You were right, I should not have done that, we probably could have ducked."

"Don't worry Y/N. I'm sure everyone will forget about it by morning." Luke added, giving you a reassured smile.

•

It was not forgotten about the next morning long story short.

You were halfway through breakfast in your quarters when Princess Rhaenyra walked in, sending you out your chair so quick one would have thought it had been lit aflame.

"Princess, forgive me. I did not know I was needed yet."

"Please, no need to get up for me. At least not right now." Rhaenyra smiled, crossing the room as she did before lowering herself into the chair across from you.

"I'm glad they accepted my request to have your quarters below mine, despite how you should be in the servants quarters."

"I'm very thankful. You did not have to."

"You're right, but I like having you nearby. I know Daemon appreciates it as well, especially when he's not around." She explained, folding her hands over the wood of the table that divided you.

"Luke and Jace told me what happened." She added, watching your face carefully.

"I'm so sorry Princess, it won't happen again. I was simply-"

"Reacting as one would if a sword was coming at them. You were simply protecting yourself. It was instinct" Rhaenyra explained softly, reaching across the table to grasp your hands. "Though I doubt any of those men have the reflexes you do."

"So I'm not in trouble?"

"Of course not my dear. And don't worry about gossip going around. Men are not known for going around talking about women they might see as a threat. It would only make them look weak in eyes of others."

At her words you cracked a smile, squeezing her hand slightly as you did. "Thank you Princess."

"You are welcome." She nodded before standing up, "now get dressed, we have a busy day ahead of us and I need my handmaiden at my side." And with a sly wink she turned and departed leaving you to your breakfast

[aztarion]

Happy Valentine’s Day, lovely person 🌹

It’s been wonderful to see your art! I really love how you draw Mason and your style in general and am looking forward to seeing more of your art!

Here’s a romance-themed OC question for any OC(s) of your choosing (no pressure to answer on Valentine’s day itself, or at all):

What combination of random objects would your OC use to describe their LI? What do they represent? Bonus question: What would their LI use to describe them?

AND HAPPY belated VALENTINES TO YOU 🥹

im sorry i didnt get to this earlier, i was waiting to be more awake but im literally getting worse LOL. but it made me so happy ;_; thank you thank you thank you, for being far too kind abt my art 😭 im so fuckingglad i finally got a tablet during my crazy ass wayhaven renaissance because there could not be a sweeter group of people to share stuff with 🫂♥️

for the oc ask… well i just gotta do dev/mason theyre in my minds microwave 24/7 rn (hope the ceiling fan falls on them btw)

some of this is a bit more association than true description of character bc i could go on forever listing stuff for both of them.. but for dev w mason it would be two big things at their current standstill:

- marlboro reds; her favourite — she is in the middle of quitting smoking in book 1 so him constantly lighting up with her cigs of choice, as well as just being rude and grating on her already thin nerves, drove her barking mad insane. by book 2 she is floundering hard and asks for one after he shows up at the station. when he says no and that she’s supposed to be quitting she gets a bit pissed and makes him put out smokes anytime thereafter out of pettiness. also reds…… strong, numbingly intense, addictive, etc. sums up the early stages of their arrangement :D

- definitely the wolf cub from the carnival game! deva is hugely sentimental (to a concerning degree — she is a hoarder yay disaster apartment option) though would never admit to it. she still keeps raggedy decades old stuffed animals from when rook was around that she just cannot say goodbye to 🤦‍♀️ and she refuses to let herself get attached to mason on any meaningful emotional level so those budding feelings in book 3 kind of manifest on the wolf cub without her realizing it (i was so glad there’s a little part abt the detective saving their carnival prize after the apartment gets flooded because Very Deva, that thang is her whole support network) (plus when mason inevitably bails during the night she has smth to cuddle because objects dont leave no sir . Rebecca get this girl a therapist)

- and one smaller thing im still playing w is red jasper crystal 🙇🏻‍♀️

maybe she sees them in the crystal store. I colour pick from these when i draw him LOL

for mason wrt deva — not an object but just straight up chaos tbh. at where they are in book 3 i imagine every time he sees the detective his brain is going question mark question mark. and hes definitely not sentimental in the way Dev is that certain objects would have any sort of emotional stir in reminding him of her. mason definitely goes more on how she makes him feel; really fucking good, really fucking confused, really fucking messy (like her apartment which he HAAAAATES), and on a few occasions now… weirdly serene. cant make sense of it; doesnt even understand why hes bothering TRYING to make sense of it but here he is and it’s happening and it has never happened before and THAT is probably the best way he could encapsulate her at this point in their relationship… other than, yknow, encapsulating in other ways 🫢

ty so much for sending this and sorry for sleepy rambling!!!! AND COME OFF ANON LET ME DRAW SMTH FOR YOU♥️♥️♥️

[plusreaderswhenever]

Hi! I couldn’t find if you did any Magolor + Reader ficlets, and if you did I’m so sorry (can I be directed towards it?) and if you didn’t could I request one?

Thank you in advance!

Signed, a huge Magolor fan

oh my gosh MY FIRST EVER REQUEST! Ahem… I worked on a Magolor fic for a while before but decided to not finish it, and then I got this ask! Then I finished it and here it is, it’s not as bad as I thought it was turning out yay! Btw I was writing it a bit self indulgently (it’s a little sad) since it’s not originally from this ask so I hope that’s okay with you. Also this is, indeed, the only fic with Magolor in it I currently have, you were right lol! I hope you like it, and happy reading!

Magolor + Reader

You were at home, crying. Nothing went wrong, but you were crying anyway. Life sucks for you. (And that’s okay.) Your phone had been ringing annoying alarms for at least five minutes straight before, but they eventually died out. Your friends must have realized you didn’t want company, which would’ve been good a few minutes ago, but suddenly you felt like you could handle having someone nearby now. And you also NEEDED to have someone nearby now. You decided to text your friends back finally, since you luckily had the strength to move at least.

You opened your phone. 94 messages?! That’s a lot! Well, it had been ringing for 5 minutes straight earlier. You were treated to reading the following messages:

SkyBaby (that’s Kirby btw, RecD reference): what’s wrong? u didn’t show up to the picnic i planned w/ u! No one likes to refuse food! Are u ok?

ChinchillaTheCutest (that’s Elfilin): Kirby told me you didn’t show up to his picnic. What’s going on? He seems worried about you, probably because you passed up the chance to eat, but I get that you were probably just busy! But seriously, Kirby’s gonna cry if you don’t tell him why you weren’t there.

TripleD (you know): kirby’s crying! i asked him what was wrong and he said u didn’t show up to his picnic! whats up w/that?

BlueberryBatman (you know this one too): I heard that you did not show to a hang-out with Kirby. I hope you are okay. (If you read my Meta Knight + Reader, you know why he’s so concerned lol)

Spidersarenerdsallofthem (Taranza, I’m keeping in line with the lore of my Taranza + Reader): The king told me you hadn’t gone to a meet-up you promised Kirby. Is there anything wrong? I, your best friend, cannot allow you to stay hurt if you are hurt!

Spidersarenerdsallofthem: Nevermind that, something just came up. It probably wasn’t anything serious anyway, it might have been just because you were busy! I hope you understand~

Egg: yo, wassup? i heard you didn’t show to a hangout w/ kirbs was it because you forgot or smth?

You decided to respond to Magolor. You hadn’t talked to him enough and wanted to get to know him better. The only time you got to talk to him was when Kirby took you to see Merry Magoland, so you didn’t really know him beyond what was probably just a customer-service smile. Although Kirby convinced you two to give each other your phone numbers since he wanted all his friends to be able to contact each other in the event of a new threat that needs the power of friendship to be defeated, neither of you called or texted the other until now.

Well, here goes nothing.

You: i didnt forget i just wasnt feeling up to it… wanna hang out? im feeling a bit better now and would like to get to know you

Egg: a friend of kirby’s is a friend of mine! omw

You were glad dreamland was so peaceful. There was so little crime, people could just go to the houses of almost-strangers! While Magolor was on his way, you texted Kirby an apology for not coming to his picnic. He took it well, but you were still guilty for no good reason.

You hear the doorbell ring, and it was much tougher to get up than it had been to pick up your phone. It felt like your bones were made of lead, and your muscles were feeling weaker than usual. You wanted to cry again. Apparently you weren’t as over your meltdown as you thought, but you still managed to do it and went to the door.

You opened the door, and there he was, waiting patiently. 

You smiled to be polite and greeted, “Hey Magolor.” 

He exclaimed, “Yo, y/n! Doing okay?” 

You answered, “No.” 

He looked sad. 

“Is that why you passed up the opportunity to spend time with Kirby?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Can I come in?”

You just nodded, and moved out of the way to let him in your house.

You closed the door and led him to the couch, where you both sat down. You wanted to ask him if you could vent to him, but you couldn’t possibly ask that. You just met him! Frick, why did you even invite him over just to do nothing?!

Fortunately, being the socially knowledgeable, charismatic person he is, Magolor could tell by your expression and body language, as well as what you told him earlier, that you had something you wanted to tell him, and he knew no one likes an awkward silence. “Wanna talk about it?” He sat there eagerly, ready to take whatever you told him.

“Well… I’m probably depressed. I spent a lot of today crying for no reason, and a bit ago, I’d have probably died if anyone spoke to me. But then I thought I should CALL A BORDERLINE STRANGER TO VENT TO THE SECOND I GOT LONELY, I’M SO SORRY I CALLED YOU HERE-” You started coughing and crying from your little outburst, to which Magolor replied by patting your back to help your respiratory system and worriedly telling you, “It’s okay-” 

“NO IT’S NOT OKAY!” You yelled, and started crying again. He looked concerned before, but now he tried to calm himself down for your sake. He asked, “Can I put my hand on your head for a sec?” You were bewildered, but nodded, still weeping. 

He started petting you. What? He kept doing it. When you were quiet enough to talk to, he reminded you, “Hey. Remember when we met at Merry Magoland? We talked for a little bit. So we’re not borderline strangers. Besides, if we’re in the world where Kirby can instantly convince enemies to become his friend and fight alongside him, we can be friends.”

Oh, he was right wasn’t he? Your wailing slowed to the occasional sob, and you looked at him again. He was still concerned, but happy you were getting better. He continued to pet you, and you quietly reached out and pet him, too. He started PURRING. Oh gosh a kitty! you thought.

In your already emotional state, his cuteness and kindness made you cry again for some reason, but more quietly this time. It seemed like anything would make you want to cry now. He just hugged you (or, pressed his hands against you comfortingly, since he has no arms it’s the closest he can get). “There, there.”

You hugged him back and muttered, “Thank you.”

“Anytime. By the way, my dude, wanna play Minecraft? I’m sure it’ll show us the power of best friends!”

Giggling at the sudden change in vibes and glad to think about something else, you two played minecraft the rest of the day and loved it. The end!

[grvntld]

was catching up with my gOrL cousins earlier via chat and we realized how we hv so many kwentos to share with each other as it has been so long since we had a get together. we just got caught up with each of our own respective lives so we havent rlly had the time to plot our schedule and meet up in person. anyway, while we were catching up, we also realized that there are a lot of good things that are happening to us so we rlly have to see each other soon and just pour our hearts out.

that said, lemme share here a few of my own wins that actually just happened today!

💐moose and i hv been working on sa own company namin, and today, we got to close yet another deal with a huge client (((an international one!))) ♡ i wasnt rlly able to keep it to myself earlier when we were having our breakfast shoot by the beach. i squealed with delight when moosey messaged me that they responded to our proposal and they said yes to it! waaaaaahhh we're so happy! we'll be ironing the details when i get back from my werq trip but moosey already did reach out na to our soon-to-be employees.

employees—i cant believe we will be onboarding and handling our own people na. omg. life is rlly amazing! big g is rlly amazing! this is all because of big g!! HUHUHUHU.

minsan i still cant believe that im a co-founder of a (((start-up))) company and yet here i am just goofing around like ✌👁💋👁✌ hehe fr though i can be serious naman like ✊👁👄👁

💐enjoyed the beach today, even with the huge and strong waves! our plan to celebrate my birthday at the beach didnt happen but again, big g is out here giving it to me now HUHUHU +++ even though, i wasnt able to go to the beach on my birthday, i rlly enjoyed my birthday celebration in laguna too 🙆‍♀️💓 and bonus points because our furbebis rlly enjoyed that trip as well!

💐im getting a sewing machine! grandma messaged pala around midday, asking me if i hv a smol sewing machine. i missed her call and message bc i was supah dupah busy with our shoots and wtvr. as that is the case, i called her right away when i read her message. i called dibs on the sewing machine that she sent a photo of on our chat. apparently, oir neighbor gave it to grandma. it is new but our neighbor just doesnt hv the time to sit and learn it so shes not rlly sure if it still werqs. lol.

im gonna take my chance with it though. ive been wanting to learn how to use a sewing machine. over the pandemic, i practiced sewing by hand and i enjoyed it so much! ive been putting off buying a sewing machine bc im worried im gonna get overwhelmed and then izz just gonna end up as a clutter sa house. hehe. so now that i got a free one, a cute smol one, i feel like there's lil to no pressure for me so to say that im excOited is surely an understatement 🥰🎉 wahahahahahaha. yay!!

madali kasi ako ma-overwhelm, especially when things are unknown or new to me. hehe.

okiE, dazz all for now. im gonna sleep na as i still hv an early breakfast buffet shoot and site tour tomorrow. thank you for taking the time to read my chikabells. i hope life has been treating you well too! 💘✨

[waxsuyaaa]

beware! large amounts of yapping ahead!

okay its time for me to complain about people because my journal isnt cutting it for my standards in actually wordvomiting everything before I sleep

yay so theres one girl in my class, all stories I could ever say always start with “so there is one person in my class” im not original and neither are they because theres like 10 different boys and they all look and sound the same to me I havent memorised their names after 2 years and 3 of them have the same last name

okay so theres this one girl in my class and y’know how theres always a duo in a trio and apparently im always the one leeching off of other peoples friendships because im always the new person at the school for whatever reason and im probably never going to have a genuine friend group because either i dont try enough or people in schools absolutely suck (im leaning towards the latter option because I dont wanna blame myself)

OKAY im the singular loner oh so sad person in the trio and the other 2 people have so much in common like hey theyre family friends and like the same music and talk about men all the time and never strike a conversation with me and im the person who they pair up with and talk to when theres a task which we are in groups of 3s

so a teacher brought in taylor swift merchandise and I saw one of those light up wristbands and apparently the other 2 ppl who I *think* im friends with also like taylor swift (more than me, because im a wretched fake fan or whatever) and one of them says if they can have the wristband because it was the only one from the eras tour the teacher had and then she offered to buy it off me for 20 bucks and hey you know where this is going

she hasnt paid me in the half a year since that and I keep reminding her and she keeps telling me to remind her and she keeps on going “im gonna pay you next week I promise” like shut up if you’re not gonna keep your promise just say it. if you dont have the money literally just say it and next time we walk to your house you could give the wristband back

but actually the audacity like last week for her to say “why am i even paying you for this its just a bracelet” when we already agreed on it and i may be extremely petty but she could have said its freaking worth is only 5 cents or whatever and then her attempt to GUILT TRIP ME because her allowance is only a dollar everytime she does a chore?? and the fact she said oh just ask [the other person in the friend group] to pay?? like hey hello what this is just between you and i

and the fact that the other person in the friend group stands up for her is just ouchh what yeah I know them two were besties since they were in the womb and maybe even in a past life they were actually intertwined plants or whatevr

and they talked right in front of me just back and forth “oh you dont have to pay her its not worth it” “real friends dont owe people things its just out of kindness” and im like HEY IM RIGHT HERE BEHIND YOU and the fact they kept checking behind them to see if I was eavesdropping which was so incredibly easy because they were literally talking so loud I swear my life is recorded or something and theyre speaking loudly so the viewer can be in on the drama

and maybe im making drama out of nothing but these two CALL ME BESTIE and every single time i call them out on a fault or something and im like thats not what you said earlier BECAUSE EITHER THEIR MEMORY IS WACK OR THEYRE LIARS theyre just like “oh we’re joking” like what the hell you cannot use jokes to get out of situations

even when im not having a good day and trying to not engage in conversatjon as often theyre always like “why did you talk like that” like huh I didnt know I wasnt allowed to stop smiling for a while

i mean theres more stuff and im still gonna say it ive asked her [the uhh first one] if im interesting or not and she replied yeah sure and when asked why she said oh you say animal facts sometimes like HEY IM AN ACTUAL PERSON and the most interesting thing about me is that I say animal facts sometimes like hey look at me im an encyclopedia its literally like when teachers call me “their little calculator” or whatever also EWW this is why I dont like pet names they suck

so am i overreacting?? yeah

should I be thrown against a wall? yeah

can i sleep? no thats why im writing this

[stardustanddaffodils]

HI STARDUST!!!! huge huge apologies for not responding earlier or messaging u at all for the past couple of days, school has kicked up and i am giving myself headaches abt college and whether i want to move out and leave my siblings behind but then also pave a different path for them than that which was set for me and also like. check out what a vague amount of independence is like yk, etc etc it's AWFUL times why'd we decide as a society to do this thing to teenagers

[assuming i did this right, IDs should be in alt text!]

no worries ! i apologize for not answering these, i forgor and then... school >.<

ahhh that is. ye. life is A Lot those r some Big Decisions wishing u the best of luck <3 if u ever need a rubber duck you know where to find me :) oh and i can give u my discord if you want :0

i was thinkin abt a book i read a while back, i will always right back, abt two pen pals in two different continents and their relationship over the years up until they finally meet up n its like. huh. internet friends rly are just modern pen pals kinda. huh

anyways thing. ye. i may post the full thing someday but also im probably just gonna always add to it so. we'll see :)

if we ever meet up, you'd take me to your old home. if we ever meet up, i'd take you to a park long left behind as i grew and moved forward. something about you feels like nostalgia and childhood and home and i'd love to share those places with you, laugh and share memories from before each other that somehow feel shared. maybe you could bring a guitar and i'd borrow a ukulele and we could sing the songs you've showed me and some that you've written. i feel like i've known you forever.

:D <3

we did ask my grandmother & she said she didnt remember and it wasnt important so. erm. but yes you r very right i do not have much to add but you r based and very correct and have very cool thoughts i am nodding enthusiastically

aw yay !!! :DDD interpretation of music/art in general is something that can be so personal.... but as an artist you do not usually. hear your audience's interpretation of your stuff or have a personal relationship with them which. yeah. hopefully its cool. i love how art can mean so many different things and also sometimes it doesnt mean anything sometimes its just. beautiful <3

KSHSF i give them a hard time but. yeah. my family is pretty awesome we are Doing Our Best and i love them <3

GOOD LUCK WITH THE COLLEGING.... thank you for the chai i love chai :D my mom made some earlier which was awesome i stole and finished her cup ksfjfj i am also giving you chai love u ink beloved :D

[mywritingonlyfans]

ok i spent 20 minutes trying to find my angst prompts christ

so a long while ago (think before iwbys mv dropped) i share some angst prompts of what i think each of the band members would be anxious about

we are picking up damiano cause i am writing about him in parallel to this

i had made the assumption of damiano always overworking himself to succeed. he sees overworking himself is the only way he will trully have any chances to produce great work

"i feel like damiano is more likely to stress work, like burning himself out cause he thinks thats when he does his best work." to quote myself lmao.

personally, when im overworked i tend to be mor aggravated and moody, snapping easily and feeling sad and shitty

so imagine as his s/o, you see damiano working on lyrics from home over the winter. he sits on the couch, scribbling furiously every few minutes in a notebook of some kind

the next morning, you wake up and damiano isnt in bed. and he wasnt there when you went to sleep last night

so you go to the living room and he is sitting in pretty much the same spot, coffee on the table and a cigarette burning in the ashtray

you ask him about and he says he did sleep but woke up early to work

you doubt it at first but then you decide to believe him.

the entire day, dami is just sitting on the same spot on the couch, he hasn't moved in a certain 7 hours and he still is scribbling in that lyric notebook.

after some persuation he eats something and drinks something other than energy drinks or coffee (water) but he goes back to work instantly after that.

you understand he has to work but you are still mad that he is working non stop, giving almost no attention to you

you go to bed earlier that day, and you wait for him to come to bed until around 2am, when you lost hope and slept.

the next morining he is still there, with the addition of too many cans of energy drinks and too many finished cigarettes.

he actually looks dead and you try and talk to him but he doenst even aknowledge you.

for the entire day you tried to get dami to eat something or drink some water or to go lay down but he just shakes his head and works on the lyrics.

at this point hes been working non-stop for 3 days consecutively and you are worried

by night he keeps sighing loudly and scribbling on the notebook, getting mad at himself, sometimes even softly hitting his head. you know its from frustration but you couldn't break him out of the mindset. you had talked to vic and she had told you about this 'state'

at some point while you are sitting inside the bedroom, on your phone, you hear damiano curse very loudly after something fell on the floor.

you thought it was just a glass, so you got up to clean up and you just see damiano sitting on the godforsaken couch, this time looking down at the floor where water was spilt and where some tissues lay

(tw blood and mention of intrusive thoughts) (i am self projecting yes shush)

when you go there there you see the tissues on the floor also had ink on them

it was weird and it was weirder there was so much ink you could see from the kitchen

you go there and damiano is covered in water and ink, and on top of it, his hands are bleeding.

that was a traumatising sight in and of itself but seeing him with tear stained eyes made it worse

you slowly help him up from the couch to the bathroom to help him wash off the ink and to see why his hands were bleeding

while you tried to clean the ink from his chest, he explained how he was so stressed cause he forgot a deadline with the band (it was the next day)

so he pulled 3 all nighters to hopefully get different drafts of some lyrics, and every day he was slower but he didn't allow himself to rest in any way cause his brain thought it would slow him.

as a coping mechanism he would scratch his hands a lot, hence why they were bleeding, especially where his tattoes are

he couldn't get work done since his in his mind "finish the song, meet the deadline, no matter what" played on repeat and he was really mad at himself and thought he just sucked at lyrics

he was so worried about not meeting the dealine and disappointing the others that he didnt allow himself to do anything but try and write lyrics, all because his stressed brain made him think the others would be really mad at him and hate him (yay anxiety)

he bit down on his pen too hard while he was thinking and broke it, and got his face covered in ink

he still didnt want to get up so he tried to take it off with tissues and water but he dropped the cup and the water.

he didnt want to bother you either cause he knew you would try to break his 'concentration' (anxiety fueled all nighters) and he wouldnt get anything done, plus he thought you were mad at him for ignoring you while he worked

this whole time you were washing the ink off you re-assured him constantly, both about himself and the band members forgiving him for the dealine, and also about his self worth as a lyric composer

then you help him out of the bath and to your bedroom, putting some cream on the irritated skin to help it somehow heal and you forced him to stay bedbound while you cleaned up

then you go lay with him and obligatory cuddles ensue

he falls alseep almost instantly and you just sit there petting his hair, still in disbelief cause you didn't know damiano got so stressed so bad

you made a mental note to always supervise him when he seemed stressed

it scared me a but but it looks good, i mean worryingly good... you're doing great babe!!!

[poseidonsvodka]

Okay so this seems to be an unpopular opinion but I totally loved Blainofsky. David was so understanding and caring, he helped Blaine find himself again after he and Kurt broke up. Which I think is complete Bullshit, I used to be a hardcore Klaine shipper in the earlier seasons, but the more shit that happens the more I don’t think they should be together. One main point is both Blaine and Kurt keep hurting each other, and it’s a pretty toxic relationship. Blaine is obviously a kind of clingy guy who needs a lot of attention and love from whoever he’s dating and that’s okay. Kurt on the other hand likes a little bit of space which is totally okay too but their communication skills together are just terrible. So it started when Kurt thought him and Blaine weren’t doing that well so he started flirting with a random guy at a music store rather than actually talk to Blaine about how he feels. Then obviously Blaine feels betrayed and Kurt claims Blaine did the same with Sebastian (which isn’t true because you can see that Blaine tried brushing of Sebastian’s flirting multiple times even if they still hung out) And Kurt is totally flirting back with chandler. Anyway Blaine says that Kurt was right (which he wasn’t) and things are okay again even though it’s Blaine who made the effort to fix it while Kurt just fought about it. Fast forward to when Kurt is leaving and he seems to be neglecting thinking about what might happen to him and Blaine, and Blaine is obviously upset about it. I mean Kurt does have a point with all the college stress but he could have at least checked in with Blaine. Anywaay they get through that then Kurt gets a Job at Vogue and all that Jazz, and he seems to only talk about Rachel and His lives rather than asking Blaine anything about how high school is. It carries on to Kurt actively ignoring Blaine’s calls rather than being busy, which is basically Kurt neglecting his boyfriend’s feelings yet again. (Again Blaine obvi needs some serious attention) So Blaine cheats and that is totally on Blaine in no way was it okay for him to cheat but then again THEY SUCK AT COMMUNICATING THEIR EMOTIONS. Because everytime something goes to shit its the same thing Blaine being extra needy and Kurt neglecting him or just neglecting to talk to him. Obviously Blaine should have also tried to communicate his emotions better. But then again as you can see in the scenes when he did try to talk Kurt just cut him off. (I’m not Kurt bashing seriously I think Kurt is an amazing character and an amazing friend but there was something seriously wrong with Klaine). Anyway Fast forward again, Kurt forgives Blaine surprisingly easy in my opinion and they get engaged (the exact thing he told rachel not to do) but anyway he said yes (Yay). Timeskip they’re in NY and Kurt thinks Blaine is suffocating him and they agree that Blaine should move out even though you can see Blaine was devastated, but he understood it was for the better of the relationship, and honestly yeah I kinda agree with Kurt that people need space. BUt he didnt really have to start a fight about it and basically imply that Blaine was not welcome by saying “MY HOME”. Blaine moves out they get better and that’s great, then Blaine starts having body image issues that he so does not communicate well and Kurt starts a fight with him and Calls Blaine annoying. (tbh if anyone i’m dating says i’m annoying I’d cry and tell them to leave immediately). Then there’s that whole debacle with June and Blaine risked everything just to make sure Kurt got to sing along and it was rlly cute. Another Time Skip, Kurt Breaks off their engagement because he needs space...again and then he claims that they are kids and the entire thing again implies that Blaine is a little too clingy for Kurt’s taste which begs the question (WHY ARE THEY DATING WHEN THEY AREN’T COMPATIBLE?) Blaine is heartbroken and he flunks out of NYADA (and honestly even though they broke up I can’t imagine that Kurt would just let that happen he isn’t that kind of guy so I thought that was kinda weird.) Soo Blaine moves back home starts dating Dave who helps him kind of put the pieces of his broken heart back together. And Dave is so sweet and caring with Blaine and he really did help him see the good in Kurt again and he was so understanding and supportive throughout everything. Honestly, I know that a lot of people haven’t forgiven Karofsky but he had an entire redemption arc, and I’m not saying that excuses everything but his character development was great. Anyway I think Blaine should have stayed with Karofsky because they seemed adorable together and Dave seemed to give Blaine all the attention he needed. I think Kurt should have ended up with someone who could understand that he needed his space and his boundaries without that being an issue for them, because that was obviously an issue for Blaine. Anyway throughout this entire post I was bashing on anyone I just genuinely think that early Klaine was cute but the more it progressed the more fucked up it genuinely got. They both deserve to be happy and it’s obvious that they loved each other but that isn’t all it takes, and I don’t think they should have gotten back together. Blaine cheated and honestly I don’t think Kurt should have forgave him for that and Kurt ripped Blaine’s heart out when he ended things between them and I don’t think that’s something that should have been forgiven either because as Blaine said it “i’ll never forgive you for this” SO yes this is one long ass rant but I loved Blainofsky and I want Kurt to be happy but I don’t think Klaine is the way to go. (i’m talking abt the Major Klaine issues obvi they’ve been through a lot of shit together as well but still)

[7wanderingpaws]

Simply, yours (12)

Pairing: Baekhyun x reader

Genre: family AU, hapkido teacher AU, PhD AU

Word count: 3.5K

Warnings: mentions of death, cursing

A/N: a moodboard! Yay! Finally some face to the story ^^ in my head baek looks like on the pics in this one hihi. Couple of more interesting things will happen! Aaaand this series will finish by 15th chapter. Or less. I will see how much time I will have. :( Anyway, thank you all sososososooo much for the support and comments, it means THE WORLD! ❤

tags:  @milky-baek @itsbaekhyunsbutt @luvhtears @shesdreaminginoverdose @cynthbee @jummyjammy @junmyeonnoona @littleflowercrown13 @sebootyforlife​ (if you want to be tagged/untagged please let me know!)

MASTERLIST

1 . 2 . 3 . 4 . 5 . 6 . 7 . 8 . 9 . 10 . 11 . 12

Baekhyun was stressed. That much you could tell.

The competition between the universities was in couple of days and he-

“Chanyeol, I can't hang out! I still didn't hand in my paper on the sports psychology thing and I have to head to uni in a couple for the training!”

You were in the kitchen, trying to bake some muffins since you were craving like a mad man, and you could hear him pacing around the bedroom where he bunked the whole day to finish off the mentioned paper. He had been a bit distant since the past three-four days, and you gave him his space, knowing he wasn't taking any silly things from anyone right now. He was full on focused and, well, quite biting to whomever tried to help.

He sighed again. “Listen, I know we still have time to hand it in, but I am so busy with the university team that I need to finish it earlier. Fuck, the assistant master is also breathing on my neck. You need to understa-”

He went quiet when Chanyeol interrupted him, and you silently continued separating the dough to the empty holes on the baking pan.

It had now been two weeks since the Korean New Year and another check-up at the clinic, after which you started to attend pilates classes for the expecting women. You had classes two times per week in the evening hours and one of them clashed with Baekhyun's hapkido class at the university, so you weren't accompanying him that often anymore, which was also a small relief for you. As much as your presence there didn't change matters, you felt like a bothersome girlfriend that needed to keep an eye on him, which was not true. Let alone Jiyoung, although had not necessarily done anything, still made you uneasy with her straight-forward behaviour with Baekhyun. You trusted him, though. After the Korean New Year, you got rid of the whole jealousy nonsense and focused solely on yourself and your own peace of mind. After all, it was literally a matter of a few months and your life would become loud, tiring and just overall turnt upside down.

“And you know I've got other stuff to get taken care of.” Silence. “You know what I'm talking about.” You giggled to yourself, liking how Baekhyun was losing his cool with his best friend, not paying attention to the meaning of his words.

You placed the baking pan in the oven and set up the temperature and timer, finally standing up properly, and hissing at the pain in your lower back. 

These days, whenever you looked in the mirror at your tummy and the dark stretch marks, you couldn't help but wonder how was this humanly possible; to bear three kids in your own body, in that little place under your heart. It blew your mind, and usually you would end up talking about this with Baekhyun just before sleeping when the lights were out and you were curled up at his side.

“Just proves how fucking amazing you are, my love,” he would murmur in your ear.

You smiled to yourself, your heart fluttering at the recollection and you sat down, checking your phone. A new customer who was buying your knitted clothings, was supposed to come by any minute now, so you might as well rest till she arrived, and let Baekhyun deal with his own issues.

You found a message from the lady waiting for you, so you opened it quickly, thinking she might have cancelled on you.

Hello! I was supposed to pick up the ordered knits today, but I can't make it unfortunately, so my husband will come at the promised time instead! Thank you!

Okay, at least she didn't cancel. You didn't care who would come for them as long as they were taken and paid for.

“Okay, Chanyeol, I will meet you tomorrow,” Baekhyun finally ended the call after more discussion and then you heard another heavy sigh. It caused pain for you too, knowing you couldn't help and you also didn't have a constant, stable pay so that you could ease it up for him just a little bit. Great at uselessne- no. You wouldn't allow yourself those thoughts anymore.

“Babe, you good?” you shouted.

“Yeah.”

“Doesn't sound very convincing,” you muttered to yourself, just when the doorbell rang. You struggled up to your feet and headed for the intercom, letting the person in.

“That's the customer, right?” asked Baekhyun from the bedroom.

You made your way to the door, the little bag with necessary clothes prepared, as you shouted back a yes before sliding the door open and waiting for the person to leave the elevator.

You were excited to earn money like this, even if it was just a little bit. You could shop groceries with it and Korea did have expensive fruit and veggies, unfortunately, so this came extremely handy to you.

Quickly shooting a look behind you, you double-checked if everything looked decent and clean in the apartment before turning back just to get the biggest shock.

Without even thinking, you had the urge to slam the door shut in his face before he could properly orient himself on the new floor of apartments, but you didn't do it. Instead, you ran your tongue over your teeth, preparing for a painful smile.

He turned and he spotted you - he just looked at your stomach - standing in the doorway, ready to walk to you resolutely before he actually brought his eyes up to yours. And he momentarily froze, stopping on the spot.

Silence overtook the cold corridor, and you felt the stress creeping up in your stomach, except you had nothing to fear this time. It was him who wanted something. And Baekhyun was right in the apartment in case anything happened.

“I believe you came to pick up the knits?” Your voice was almost foreign to you, it was strained so much.

His eyes fell lower, seeing just how pregnant you were; your body a far cry from when he last saw you. Clearing his throat, he replied: “Yes, I am.”

Slowly, he walked over and you pushed your hand with the bag out for him to take, wanting him to just leave. “Here. That will be 120.000 won, please.”

Your ex-boss stared at you, not taking the bag for a couple of heartbeats. He monitored your face before his eyes looked behind you at the humble apartment. Only after that, he took it while with his other hand he reached behind taking out his wallet probably from the pockets of his trousers. “Yes, I have the exact amount.”

“Good.”

He snapped his eyes back to you, as he took out the necessary cash before handing it to you. “How are you?”

Oh, dear lord. Not the small talk, please.

“I mean, are you doing well and healthy?”

You stared at him, hoping the negative emotions didn't mirror in your eyes too much, as you didnt want to become someone like him. “I'm fine and healthy, thank you for asking.”

“That's a relief.”

Suppressing a scoff, you were about to put an end to this fruitless conversation when you heard shuffling from behind, and Baekhyun's voice. “Is everything alright?” And he appeared.

He walked to your side, shock evident on his face. “You?”

You felt a protective hand around your waist, your boyfriend pushing you further inside the house, not liking an inch your evil boss being near your vicinity.

Your boss, Mr Kim, gave him a tight lipped smile. “Hello, Mr Byun. My wife is the one buying the knits from your wif- girlfriend.”

“Really?”

You nodded. “She wrote me just a couple of minutes ago that her husband would pick them up instead of her,” you explained to Baekhyun, who didn't even look at you, his strict gaze focused on your boss, “and it turns out to be Mr Kim. There are too many Kims in this country, for sure.”

“Well, we hope your wife will enjoy them,” said Baekhyun coldly. “Have a good evening.”

He was about to push both of you back inside to close the door, but your boss surprised you. Again. “I just wanted to… wish you all the best. I hope you will continue having a safe pregnancy and birth.”

You frowned, but nodded nonetheless. “Thank you.”

“And… I apologise.”

Baekhyun's grip on you tightened. “For what exactly?”

Mr Kim looked in your eyes as he seemed to think over his words. “I was acting unprofessional and it was not acceptable. Me sacking you due to your state was not justifiable, and I realize that I probably created even bigger financial difficulties for you. You always mentioned how money comes in handy and yet…” he shook his head, scrunching his eyebrows, “it was all a terrible mistake. I was insensitive. I apologise.”

You took in a shaky breath, your palms sweaty with anxiety as you let his words properly sink in. He actually uttered those words. Those apologetic words. The words you never imagined he would say, because you believed he was incapable of feeling anything close to regret and sorrow.

Sensing your hesitation, Baekhyun spoke up. “I think it's too late for that. But thank you. I bet my girlfriend appreciates your realizations.”

“Why suddenly?” You asked before Baekhyun could push you further inside the apartment. “I worked so hard for you. I always tried to please you yet I received hate.”

Something flashed in his eyes, something you couldn’t quite name. Was it hurt? Was it sorrow? Pain? “I don’t expect you to forgive me. I was ruthless, but just know that I am sorry.” He looked at Baekhyun now. “I deserved the punch.” With a sad smile, he raised and dangled the bag in front of him as he took a step back. “I’m sure my grandchildren will love this. And my wife too. All the best,” he said and turned around, not letting you and Baekhyun speak.

And you wouldn’t even be able to, because Baekhyun closed the door right after muttering: “Get home safely.”

“What was that?” You asked, shell-shocked at the sudden turn of events. “Did this really happen?”

You were still squeezing the bank notes in your sweaty palms and you moved to put them on the dining table, Baekhyun hot on your heels. “He is crazy. One moment he is shouting at you, calling you all kinds of things and the next he is sorry and acts like…whatever” he trailed off, in the heat of a moment unable to think of a proper word.

You shot him a look, amused. “I know. But at least he realized his mistake.”

Baekhyun pursed his lips, not fully convinced with your words but eventually he murmured: “At least if some other employee gets pregnant he won’t throw her out.”

You smiled, satisfied with his way of thinking. “Exactly.”

“And you earned yourself some money,” he reciprocated the smile and he came to you to give you a kiss on the cheek. “Well done.”

“I’ve been earning money through this for some time now,” you reminded him.

“I know but it’s his money.”

“Oh.”

“Exactly.”

-

Once the muffins were out of the oven, you decided to call Sukyeong. Baekhyun retrieved to your shared bedroom to continue his studying. He needed the peace anyway, and you really wanted to chat to your good friend because you had way too many thoughts and questions about your ex-boss’s well being. The way he acted was so unlike him.

Sukyeong thankfully picked up after the third ring and she squealed into the phone upon seeing your name. “Finally! I thought you would never call! We saw each other two weeks ago, don't tell me you got suddenly busy!”

You let out a breathy laugh. “No, I became lazy and almost immobile by now, thank you for the concerns.”

“I think I will have to drop by more often,” she thought out loud. “Besides, I also want to talk about something!”

“Eh? What is it?”

“Nah, this needs to be told face to face.”

Since your topic seemed to be just a little bit more intriguing than Sukyeong’s secretiveness, you decided to go with it and spill the beans. You quickly explained to her what just happened, feeling more encouraged by her gasps.

“Well, there is something that happened actually,” she said after a bit of silence. After you left your job, you and Sukyeong rarely ever talked about the workplace, Sukyeong only complaining about the workload and whatnot. She was such a kind-hearted, considerate friend to you; she knew by default the last person you want to talk about was your screwed up boss. “I just didn't know if I should tell you or not, since it doesn't really include you anymore and also…” she trailed off, “it might scare you.”

You frowned, fingering the little whole in the pillow you were hugging to yourself. “Scare me? What are you talking about?” you let out a doubtful laugh.

Sukyeon sighed and you imagined her playing with her fringe to ease up the nerves. “You know his son is married, right?”

“Mhm.” You rarely paid attention to your boss's private life but you were aware of that fact.

“So, anyway, Mr Kim's daughter-in-law was pregnant and she was supposed to give birth just one month after you left,” she continued on, her words still not bearing an ounce of confidence.

You interrupted her, though. “Oh, really? So why didn't he fire his daughter-in-law, huh?! How dare she be pregnant?! God, that man is ridiculous, I swear. Poor daughter-in-law! How difficult it must be for her to live with him!”

“Erm,” Sukyeong gently called out your name, trying to get your attention, which she did but you wished she didn't as her next words gave you the nausea you had been dreading to have your entire pregnancy. “She died giving birth.”

You went completely silent at that, your mind empty and busy all at the same time. His daughter-in-law died giving birth to his grandchild. She died. Giving birth. “How did that happen?” you breathed out.

“Complications during birth. Unexpected high blood pressure, high sugar levels and many other factors,” she replied, her voice sad.

“Jesus,” you breathed out again, “I had no clue.”

“You couldn't have known, dear.”

Tears burned in your eyes at the thought of how tragic the whole story is. So this was why he was apologetic. “But still… I'm so sorry. To her, and even to him - Mr Kim.”

Sukyeong heaved out a heavy sigh. “Don't cry, I cannot comfort you over the phone like this. You wouldn't know!”

“What if I will die?”

“You won't,” she snapped right away. “You are a healthy woman.”

“You know my blood-pressure is also dangerously high at times.”

“But that doesn't change the fact that you are healthy. You don't have problems with your sugar levels, nor is your entire pregnancy problematic.” She paused, before she continued. “Listen, this is why I was reluctant to tell you. I didn't want to trigger any fear in you. Just don't think about it.”

You felt your chin quiver, but you pushed it down. Sukyeong was right. Plus, Baekhyun really didn't need this kind of stress when he already had too much on his plate right now. Having to suck it up and be brave for your own self for once was something you should have started doing a while ago. You always knew pregnancy was a risk. But you wanted to show everyone that not having enough money and still bearing three healthy babies and eventually giving them birth was something more valuable than any monetary aspect of this world.

“You are right, Sukyeonga. I won't. But you owe me a hot chocolate.”

-

It was around 1am. You were lying on your side, naked back facing Baekhyun as he absentmindedly traced his fingertips over the imprints on your back, left there by your bra. He was shuffling around more, until he resolved to skinship in hopes to ease his mind.

“What's on your mind?” you asked quietly out of nowhere, startling him for a second. He thought you would be asleep by now.

You turned around to your other side, curling up against his chest and he gladly opened his arms for you, missing your presence. It was common that you two would naturally shift apart during the night, both of you deep in sleep, but because of your pregnancy you also felt many times boiling hot which resulted in you scooting as far away from his body heat as the mattress allowed. This time though, the night was exceptionally cold and you knew he needed you.

“Baby, you should be resting,” he rasped quietly.

You held his cheek gently, looking up at him, although he couldn't see you properly in the darkness. “There is something bothering my man,” you whispered, “and I can't sleep when I know you are this troubled.”

He sighed, and you could feel the heaviness of it, the worries somehow too difficult to bear. “It's just a lot on my plate,” he admitted, though very reluctantly. “I want our team to win or at least make it very far but I'm worried I am asking for too much.” His hand was caressing your back, enjoying the hot skin covering it.

“What makes you think that?”

He went silent, contemplating your question and his answer to it. The truth was, Baekhyun's head was very chaotic which rarely happened. Him, who always had a goal clearly set in his mind, never got this worried. “I don't even know. It's the PhD stuff together with this Universiad competition… both require my full attention and even though I am doing my best, I feel like I could still do better.”

It meant a lot that he was this outspoken. He shared his daily issues with you, however only the heavy ones he would let pile up and mull over them until he couldn't bear it anymore.

“My perfectionist boy,” you cooed. “Everything is created in your mind, darling. Everything is still the same as before - you are a student and as your side job you teach kids. Your team was always doing well and that's why you got this opportunity. In fact, you don't need to change anything. You have addition of Jiyoung and her team, that's true, but that still doesn't change the fact that what you did until now is enough. It is all valuable. You're not asking for too much, Baekhyun.”

A couple of heartbeats later you heard him sigh again as he squeezed your body to his, your tummy pressing to his side. “Thank you,” he murmured into your hair.

“Don't keep it in. I know it's difficult. I know, honey.”

“I just want to do well, you know? Do well in my professional life. And I want to do everything in my power to make you and our kids live comfortably.”

You felt stinging behind your eyes, touched and overwhelmed with emotions. “You are doing more than enough, Baekhyun. I'm comfortable and happy because I have you. Out of our entire village, you are the superstar. You are the one who made it. Don't doubt yourself for one second, because I will love you no matter what. You are doing already more than enough, so relax.”

He chuckled lowly. “What would I do without you, hm?” he whispered and he moved to bury his face in your neck, slowly kissing down to your chest where he rested his head under your collarbones. His arm around you was now caressing the bump, his thumb running over the stretched out belly. “Thank you, sweetheart.”

“Don't thank me.That's what I'm here for. For you. In good and in bad,” you replied as you played with his messy hair.

“Already doing the wedding vows?”

You grew hot, the sudden images of a wedding ceremony with Baekhyun warming your heart. “Not yet.”

He hummed. “But soon.”

“After the kids are born.”

“Where do you want to leave them for our honeymoon? They would be always tied to your boobs. That way I can't have them just for myself.”

That made you laugh out loud, and you pulled on his hair gently, making him chuckle. He raised his head and you felt his breath on your smiling lips. “Then you better enjoy them until you can.”

He kissed you slowly, languidly, humming in the process while dragging his hand over your bump and chest until he was cupping your cheek. “I should, huh,” he murmured into your open mouth. “Though I beg for priority. I was the first to claim them.”

You laughed again and Baekhyun felt extremely satisfied, his worries settled for now. He brought you in for another sensual kiss until both of your eyes were droopy enough to pull to sleep.

[anxiousnerdwritings]

ok so inspiration hit me like a truck and this is what I got also just imagine that one of the multiverse survived batman who laughs bs and tries to rescue reader pls again havent read that much of it so yeah, oh also I got bored of writing "the batman who laugh" over and over again so imma just write evil batman - knull anon

~~~~

sneaking into a heavily guarded fortress was never easy, but especially one made by his father (technically his father) was damn near impossible.

whatever was in this fortress must be extremely important to the batman who laughs, because damian has yet to have seen this much security and back up plans for a fortress.

he was with the rest of the bat kids, and their missing was weird to say the least.

the planet he was on was actually one that the evil batman didnt completely destroy, and he was surprised to see this fortress in a beautiful forest jungle area, where the trees grew taller then he had ever seen.

however, he couldnt look at the scenery forever. he eventually had to focus on the mission: find whatever was in the fortress, get it out, and run. this object was apparently extremely important to th evil batman and it was their job to try and get it.

the plan was that if they were able to get whatever was inside, it might be a bargaining chip for them to use so they could try and lure this batman into a trap.

currently, damians own father was fighting the evil batman so they could get this chance.

of course, it took a while to even get into the fortress but that didnt matter.

the guards were everywhere, they even saw some zombie robins walking around the place, usually carrying random every day items. from books, clothes, and even food and water. strange considering they only ate people, but fortunately for them, the robins usually were too busy at whatever task they had to even try and pay attention to the batkids.

they eventually had to split up, damian going with cassandra, tim and duke while dick took every one else.

it was probable never a good idea to even try to go in a big group, but it was the only chance they had.

trying to find whatever was there that was so important to this evil batman was probably going to change the tides of this "war".

dick had told him to keep on looking when they werent able to find anything important of value. they had come to a standstill, where they were hidden in a darkly lit hallway with so alcoves with strange plants and other decorative objects.

damian was about ready to lose his mind. there was absolutely nothing here that would say anything about where this important item was.

the rest of his group was probably thinking the same, considering how they looks and stood.

however, he forgot about his exhaustion when he heard footsteps approach from one end of the hallway. he motioned for them to leave the hallway when duke motioned back that there were more people coming from the other end of the hallway.

trapped, damian stepped back, looking around to see if there was anything to help them. but he stepped back to quickly and lost his footing, having to hold on to a potted plant in one of the alcoves.

which set off a door system.

the four batkids watches as a door appeared on the opposite side of the hallway, and when it fully opened it revealed a stairway leading downward.

not having any choice, he motioned for the others to follow, and together, they headed downward, towards whatever was being kept hidden by a potted plant.

☆

either you were hearing things or the Robin's decided to play tag, becuase you remembered what their footsteps sounded like every time they came down to check on you. great entertainment but only when you stayed in the house.

and now as the footsteps became more louder, you were curious on who it was. getting up out of your overly plush bed, you walked over to your door and put your ear up against the door. the footsteps seemed to stop as you heard a familiar voice say "where to now?"

hold on... is that... damian wayne?

"damian?" you called out, confused. wasnt he a part of the attack of that new earth that popped up? and he never spoke unless told to.

the speaking stopped as you heard the voices speak to you.

"who are you, and how did you know my name?"

you wanted to laugh, you're the bitch who never let's me leave whenever you're "babysitting" me. but you decided to play it cool.

"um, I'm the kid who is supposed to stay down here for like, the rest of my life? besides, why are you here? arent you supposed to be with my "dad" while he fights that new earth and their batman?"

you stood there waiting for an answer when you heard a new voice, one that was kind of familiar but not as familiar as damians.

"you know the batman who laughs?" you yourself almost laughed, before responding "of course I know him, he keeps me here saying that I'm a extremely important person to him, and he makes me call him dad when hes around. actually, wait, who are you?"

silence was heard and before you could try and ask another question, you heard "get away from the door"

taking a couple steps back, you narrowly missed the door that just exploded to reveal the oh so dreaded hallway.

however, you forgot about memories from earlier when you saw who was standing in to doorway. 4 kids, 4 batkids, all from whatever earth they came from.

damian reached for his comm and said "dick, we found the important object. its gonna be harder to get out, though."

~~~~

ok 1, I rediscovered a bunch of fandoms I was in when I was younger and all I can think of is all the new possibilities for dads, and 2 I'm starting to count all the fictiknla father figures I have and I'm thinking of creating a list for them, and 3, I like how this turned out. I wanna continue this but it was getting to long so ye. anyway imma probably just write something tonight so yay to that see yall later bye - knull anon

You’re giving me inspiration to start writing for the Bat Who Laughs now!! You’re doing a real good job by the way with everything you’ve been sending in!!💕💕 Much love to you, Knull anon!

[kingofbr00klyn]

Newsies prompts! Yeah! Um... 1. Jack being a big brother to Race. 2. Crutchie and Racetrack getting into some trouble together. 3. Jack and Spot caring for some of the littles. Pick one or write them all idc. Can’t wait to read!

Hi this took me like 4 days to write, I thought it was longer than that but okay, I have loads of other stuff in the works, this is just the first one I finished. Sorry for the wait. So this is for the prompt we’re Crutchie and Race get into trouble.

I tried to mix both 1992sies and livesies in this, but I don’t think it really comes across. Also, this story is ever so slightly exaggerated, but oh well. But it’s been a while since I’ve written anything, so this probably isn’t the best.

This will also be found on my AO3 account.

"Remind me ta never listen ta you again."

"How was I'se suppost ta know this would 'appen?"

"Well, I dunno. But now I’m in trouble because a’ summing I didn’t even do."

“Oh c’mon! Nuthin’ bad happened. I came out worse than you did. You get to go home scot-free.”

“But still. This is all your fault an’ I’m gonna make sure everyone knows it.”

"Wow, Crutch, whatta' way to throw a pal under da bus."

"You'se deserve it."

Race rolled his eyes and sulked further down into his chair, only to regret it when the hard plastic rubbed uncomfortably into his back. He glanced at his companion, who looked just about as shit as he felt. Crutchie kept nervously running a hand through his hair and fidgeting with the helm of his shirt, he looked like someone who had just been caught doing something illegal. Oh wait, that's because he had. Let's take a step back, shall we?

2 hours earlier.

Crutchie stood outside his door step, awaiting Race's arrival. The two had decided to spend the evening together, since none of their other friends were available. Race had said he would pick him up at 6. After Crutchie's watch ticked 6:15, Race's old TP Cruiser pulled up. He wore a bright, cheeky grin as he leaned over to open the passenger side door. "Get in loser, we're going shopping!" Crutchie gleefully obliged, grabbing his crutch and sliding into the front seat.

"Are you ready for the funnest night of yer life?" Race asked, a unlit cigar hanging loosely from his mouth.

Crutchie laughed. "We'se just goin' ta the diner on 4th, ain't we?"

"Nope," Race grabbed something from the cupholder beside him and handed it to Crutchie. "Just got this from my guy. Thought we'd treat ourselves tonight." It was a fake ID.

Antonio Higgings

11/12l1997

XXX XXXX XXX

XX/XX/XX

XX/XX/XX

"Yer guy?" Crutchie snorted, handing the card back. "You'se mean Albert."

"Maybe I do. Anyway, I'm low on cigs and shit, so I thought we'se stop by a corner shop and see how well this baby works." Starting the engine, Race pulled out of Crutchie's drive and set off for the nearest place that would give them what they wanted.

"What if we'se get caught? I don't wanna be done just because you'se got a nicotine addiction." Crutchie offered, messing with the diles for the radio.

"Then I punch Albert in the face," Race resorted. That drew a snicker from the blonde. "But seriously, don't worry 'bout it. Everthin's gonna be a-okay!"

Spolier altert; it wasn't.

After 10 or so minutes of driving, Race pulled to a stop and poorly parked the car. "Eh, good enough." He got out, with Crutchie tailing right behind him.

"You don't gotta come in. Ya know, cuz yer so scared of gettin' caught." The taller boy mocked.

Crutchie retaliated by hitting Race in the leg with his crutch. "I'm comin' wit' cha so you don't get punched in the face." Race forged offence, but waved off the comment.

The shop was small, just your regular off-licence, cheap booze with an even cheaper taste, the perfect thing to fuel Race's needs. A little bell rang as they opened the door, there weren't many people inside the shop, Crutchie noted the few middle aged men who were likely in there for similar reasons as themselves. Race swaggered to the front counter, an air of confidence around him. The shop clerk, a young man with a stoic expression, rolled his eyes at the tall blonde.

"What can I get you?" The clerk's tone was as cheerful as expected.

Race grinned cockily. "A smile would be a start, sweetheart," The shop clerk didn't respond, but continued to glare the boy down. "Okay then… A box o' ya finest Corona's and summa that scotch ya got up there." Race slapped $50 on the counter, along with his fake ID.

The clerk picked the card up, eying it suspiciously. Crutchie had a feeling this wouldn’t end well. “Yah think you’re funny, kid? Think I don’t know what a fake ID looks like?” The clerk said. “I’m gonna have to call the cops, you know.”

Race’s expression floored. Disbelief and fear quickly made itself at home. Crutchie felt a similar dread rise up in his stomach, he looked to Race for an inkling of what to do next, but the tall boy just continued to stare dumbly. Until he finally said, “I’m gonna fuckin’ kill Albert.”

As it turns out, the shop had an undercover officer outside the shop to deal with instances like this. The clerk called him in, and he escorted Crutchie and Race to the local station. Luckily, they had pretty much just been given a slap on the wrist and a call home. Except, since this wasn’t Race’s first offence, so he had also been slapped with a $50 fine.

The boys anxiously awaited the arrival of the parents. Race had already had a million and one messages from his brother, Jack. The sonva’ was having a field day with this. Text after text about how much trouble Race would be in, how he was grounded and how much shit Jack’s going to give him for this. Race ignored his brother, instead opting for spamming Albert with a variety of angry messages in all caps.

GottaGoFast - RedHeadHoe

19:05

GottaGoFast: ALBERT FUCKING DASILVA

GottaGoFast: U FUCKING BITCH

GottaGoFast: IM SO GOING TO KILL U

RedHeadHoe: ???

GottaGoFast: im at the police station

RadHeadHoe: oh what did u do now???

RedHeadHoe: OH

RedHeadHoe: YOU GOT CAUGHT

RedHeadHoe: HA

GottaGoFast: YEAH AND ITS ALL UR FAULT

RedHeadHoe: how is it my fault???

GottaGoFast: BECAUSE UR THE 1 WHO GAVE ME THE ID

RedHeadHoe: dude u didnt have to use it

RedHeadHoe: also i dont make them so it aint my fault

RedHeadHoe: blame my guy

GottaGoFast: ur guy?????

RedHeadHoe: ye

RedHeadHoe: skittery

GottaGoFast: ok but ur still dead

RedHeadHoe: cool

GottaGoFast: dentys gonna be here soon so gotta go

RedHeadHoe: good luck my dude

GottaGoFast: fuck u

RedHeadHoe: :)

Race slipped his phone into his pocket, just in time to see some familiar faces walk though the station door. Bryan Denton, Race’s foster father, walked up to the receptionist desk, before being pointed towards where the boys were sitting. Race looked at Crutchie, before straightening his back and putting on his most charming smile. "Heya Denty!" Race beamed, hoping to the gods above that this would go in his favour. Bryan didn't look particularly mad, but Denton never really got mad. It was like the man was incapable of it, it was great, and Race had done a lot of things that would cause any parent to flip their shit.

"Race," Bryan started, calm and collected as always."What were you thinking?" Okay, maybe it wasn't as great as Race thought, Denton's tranquill state was quite unsettling at the moment, Race had no idea what he was thinking.

"We'se just wanted to have a bit a' fun, ya know, teenage stuff," The blonde rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Did they'se tell ya 'bout da fine?"

"Yeah, they told me over the phone," Denton said. "I'll pay it and then we'll go home. Jack's waiting for us in the car.”

Race rolled his eyes. "Oh yay."

Crutchie didn't really pay much attention to the scene in front of him, he was too caught up in his own head. Fear and worry filled his thoughts, his grandmother wasn't the most forgiving then it came to things like this. Crutchie remembered once when he was 7 and snuck out of his room in the middle of the night to get one of the freshly baked cookies his grandmother had made that day, the elderly woman had found out about his midnight snack and boy was there hell to pay. She wasn't particularly mean or nasty, she could just be strict at times.

Times like these, Crutchie thought as he saw his grandmother barrel towards him with an expression that would make the toughest of men wet themselves. "Charles Andrew Morris! You are in so much trouble, young man!" Oh no, she used his full name. He really was a goner.

"Race, I don't think I'm comin' outta this alive…” Crutchie said.

Race snorted. "Don't worry, my dude, I got this." Crutchie didn't have time to ask what 'this' was, as Race stepped in front of him and greeted his grandmother.

"Mrs Morris, so good ta see ya 'gain," Race started. That diverted the woman from her path of destruction, as she instead gave the blonde a striking glare. The Italian tried not to shrink under her gaze, opting to continue with his sentence. "So um, ya see, Ma'am. It wasn't actually Crutchie's fault, it was mine. So, err, don't punish him for my mistake."

What?

Crutchie was in complete disbelief. And he wasn't the only one, Bryan shared a similar expression. While Race was a good friend, he was also a bit of an asshole, so him taking all the blame for this (even though it was his fault), was a surprise.

Crutchie’s grandmother eyed the boy suspiciously, before she turned on her heels and walked away. “Come on, Charlie, it’s time to go home.”

Crutchie was slightly dumbfounded, but didn’t question as he hugged Race. “Thanks man.”

Race winked and smiled. “No problem, Crutch. Text me if you ain’t dead!”

“Will do!”

RiceCrutchies - Racer

21:35

RiceCrutchies: Guess who aint dead :)))

Racer: yayyyy

Racer: so what happened

RiceCrutchies: Gran wasn’t very happy but she wasnt too mad

RiceCrutchies: Im grounded for 2 weeks tho

Racer: oh well at least we had 1 last night of fun before that

RiceCrutchies: Yea so how’d it go with Denton???

Racer: not too bad

Racer: im also grounded but they took my cigs at the police station so i need to get more from Albert

RiceCrutchies: You think you would have learnt your lesson but ok

Racer: 👌

Racer: i gotta go crutch see you in school???

RiceCrutchies: Yeah, see you and try not to do anything illegal between then

Racer: no promises

RiceCrutchies: 🤦‍

[beelshamburger]

Can I request Mc as a sugar baby/Onlyfans(or the Devildom equivalent) ? Like they have a toooon of grim and get free clothes/jewelry/gifts from demons that aren’t the brothers?

Sure thing! Thanks for the request!

Brother’s reaction to the MC being a sugar baby:

Lucifer:

Oh boy

So, he notices pretty quickly that you started getting super expensive jewelry and clothes out of nowhere

And the one day, while he’s walking around the places, he sees you kiss an old looking demon, who then gives you some money

Now, Lucifer is actually really mad

He quickly walks over to you, and glares at the demon, and then he ignores your protests as he grabs your hand and leads you away from there

When you come home, he shoves you in his room and demans that you tell him what’s going on

While you explain to him what’s going on, he glared at you the whole time

“Why didn’t you tell me? Y/N, you should know that you never have to ask for anything when I’m here. I don’t want to see you hanging around those demons again.” His face softened, and you felt yourself blush a bit.

“Of course, I will want a bit of payback, so why don’t you do what you were doing to that demon before I came over~”

Mammon:

Alright so our boy may sometimes do it when he’s very desperate for money (he gets help from Asmo who just wants a good fu-)

When Mammon finds out that you have some demons helping you for money?

Oh fuck no

He is so mad

I mean he gets that you want expensive stuff, but NO he ain’t letting you hang around some random demon

He gives you a big lecture (well it’s just him yelling and mumbling)

“Seriously, I could’ve helped y’know?! Why didnt you tell me!? Instead you go hangin around those assholes.”

You’re the only person he will lend his money to and buy stuff, just to make sure you never hang out with those guys again

Leviathan:

So this guy almost never goes out.

Like ever

But the one time he did, to get a super limited edition figurine that was only selling at this one store that didn’t have akuzon, he left the house and went outside

And there he saw you with some older demons, giggling and cuddling with them

The last time he had felt like this was when Mammon sold his limited Ruri-Chan body pillow

And he couldn’t explain the feeling...he was just super mad

He does intervene, and tells you that there’s an urgent matter at the House of Lamentation, but while he takes you away he does glare at the other demons for a bit

He does ask you why you’re doing it, and he feels pretty bad

But it’s not because he likes you lmao

“A-anyway! Next time you want to buy something, you come to me alright? I know ways we can make a quick buck without having to go through any of that. How do you think I get my...limited...editions.....”

“Levi?”

“I FORGOT THE FIGURINE GODDAMIT MOVE! MOVE!”

( he did get his figurine, yay!)

Satan:

Oh he knows what’s going on

I mean you’re your own person, so he’s not just going to tell you to stop

But deep inside him...he feels a pang

One day while he’s walking home from the library, he sees one of the demons try to grab you in, well, places you don’t want to be grabbed

And oh boy

Satan comes out, and he tells you to go home.

Even if you refuse, he will give you the coldest look that you just have to do what he says

Anyway you never saw those demons again

When Satan came home, you were waiting for him sitting on the stairs

When you asked what had happened to the demons, he just shrugged and looked guilty at the ground.

“It’s just...When I saw them try to touch you...I just saw red. I haven’t felt like this in a long time. I’m sorry Y/N. Please don’t think badly because of that, I promise that I was just trying to protect you.”

You smiled and leaned your head on his shoulder.

“It’s alright Satan. I won’t do it anymore.”

Asmodeus:

Soooo he was the one who actually convinced you to join him!

I mean, at first he didn’t think much of it

You were both going to wild parties, and you had so many new stuff!!!

But the more Asmodeus started to hang with you...the more he felt jealous of the demon that had his arm wrapped around you

One day when the two of you were at this very expensive bar, Asmo saw the demon getting waaay too friendly with you

And, he doesn’t know what took over him, but he slapped the demons hand away and grabbed you.

“Sorry darlings, we actually have a very urgent matter to attend to. Thanks for the drinks!”

Asmo doesn’t answer any of your questions on the way home, but when you are finally dropped off and standing in the doorway, he grabs your hands

“Sorry Y/N. I just didn’t like seeing you with those guys. I just want you all for myself. Hey, why don’t we go and take a bath together, hmm?? That way maybe you can forgive me~ I promise I’ll give you something better than money!”

Then you had a really nice bath

Beelzebub:

You had begun to buy him very expensive food sometimes

He was confused as to were you got the money from, but hey, FOOD, who was he to complain?

But one night, while he was coming out from the store with like 1000 devil cakes, he saw you with an old demon, who was holding you real tight

Now, the way Beel might’ve explained what he felt is this:

Someone took his favorite food away!

It’s not a nice metaphor but hey, it’s Beel.

So he marched over with a bunch of cakes and sodas and sweets and a bunch of food

And he tells you that you should both leave right now

Since Beel is a big beefy dude, the demon immediately leaves and you sigh, looking at Beel.

“Hey Beel, what was that for?” You asked.

Beel sat down beside you and shrugged.

“I don’t know. I just felt like that one time Mammon ate the food I was storing to eat after getting dinner, and he got it all. I just didn’t like seeing someone taking something I like...”

He said it like it was nothing, but you became very red in the face

And as a thank you you gave him a little peck and some chocolate devil cake

Belphegor:

Oh my lawd, he was sleeping the whole day on this new super comfy pillow you got him

He honestly had never been so happy before, the pillow was so soft!

But one day, when he woke up, he was going to close his windows, since it was getting a bit chilly

And he saw you talking to an old demon, who gave you some jewelry.

He was actually pretty mad.

So when you came upstairs to talk to him, Belphie grabbed your and hugged you tight, making the two of you fall in his bed and cuddle, all the blankets on top of you.

“B-Belphie? What’s going on?”

“I saw you hanging out with that man earlier. Is that where you got your money to buy this pillow?” He pouted

You slowly nodded and Belphie sighed, and the he laid on top of you, making you unable to move

“Wait! Belphie!”

“No. You haven’t been spending much time with me. So now I won’t let you go.”

After a really comfy sleep Belphie and you talked about the problem, and you ended up promising him that fine, you won’t be a sugar baby anymore as long as he doesn’t harm anyone

Belphie agreed, but a few weeks later the demon was nowhere to be found (Belphie smirked when Asmo was telling them about the news pft)

[hufflautia]

Hope you’ve had a great day today 💛

funnily enough, i literally just stopped crying. today was a bad day, I don't know 

why but my anxiety was just quite bad today and I was panicking before school started. something happened in my first class and I overthink a lot, so my mind was like, “oh my god why did they write your name last, do they hate me, am I boring, am I forgetful, people are always forgetting about me” and “my teacher doesn't like me, why didn't he respond, I'm embarrassed, why did you have to say what you said??” my English teacher does these “mindfulness” moments in which we sit in silence for a minute and reflect on the day, and I literally started crying. after the minute ended, I just stopped bc I didn't feel like crying anymore, and suddenly my brain said, “ur so fake, ur just acting, why did u stop crying all of a sudden, u just want attention u crave attention ur such a faker!!” also I keep thinking about something that happened years ago with my dad, I don't rlly wanna get into it but I think it would be good if I just say it so that its not jammed in my head. basically, I was really young, like in elementary school; my dad asked me if i wanted to sleep in his room with him, and originally, my mom was sleeping with him and i shared a room with my little brother. however, i was like hmm maybe, and then my dad said, haha ill pay u 5 dollars. at the time, i said YAY OK but now i realized that's so fucking creepy, yall know what its insinuating right?? anyways, i said ok, bc it was just a change from the usual sleep schedule and i liked spending time w my dad, so my mom went to my brothers room (it was a king-sized bed so it was ok, it wasn't a small bed that we had to share or anything like that) and i went to my parents room. basically, what happened was that we went to sleep, and in the middle of the night, (the next part makes me feel so uncomfortable and i feel queasy writing it) my dad slapped my butt really really hard to the point where i woke up and i was like ?????? and then he rubbed it softly immediately afterwards. i didnt know what happened, and i told my sister the day after, and she was confused too. recently i was thinking about it and I'm still confused and a lot more uncomfortable with what happened. here is my theory and i was very upset by it bc no one would want to think things like this- maybe my dad likes hurting women during sex and it was a reflex that night, but once he realized it was me, he tried “soothing me” or some shit by rubbing my butt (i literally hate this, i hate the fact that this happened and i don't like typing it out). no one wants to think about their parents sex life so this was just disgusting to think about. also my brother and mom keep arguing and fighting with each other, and I'm sure i have trauma from hearing my parents argue all the time so i rlly don't like it when they fight. my brother has explosive anger and he literally screams at her, which is very disrespectful; however, she screams at him too and sometimes hurts him, which scares me. I'm not worried about my own safety, I just hate violence i hate abuse, that scares me. so much stuff has happened in my life, and it results in a lot of trauma and other stuff that i don't even know about. i just know im really fucked up, im damaged and it just all felt like crashing down on me today- like everything thats happened, i was feeling anxious for no reason, i was thinking about the past, and i started crying again while watching netflix after school, so i just kept crying and i talked to myself out loud about my day and why i was feeling the way i was. that did help to some extent, and after i did that, i stopped crying, and then my brain said “why do you shut off your crying so easily, you seem fake, you seem like you wanna be sad and cry just so that you can see your pretty little tears drip down ur face like an actress, ur so fake ur so fake ur faking it ur not actually sad”, and the hardest part was that i didnt even object to it bc i didnt feel like anything was real, i felt like i didnt know who i was. i was like ok bitch whatever maybe ur right maybe i am faking it. i dont even know how to explain it, but its like being tired of that nagging and negative voice that you just submit to it, and you say ok whatever sure i am faking it, but in truth, the sadness i was feeling was real and genuine. about 10 min ago, i saw that someone tagged me in a fanfic and while i was reading it, i literally started bawling. i guess it was bc i saw in my email inbox that people had sent me asks, and i was happy bc i thought that maybe the person who sent me the fanfic idea responded back with more details. i was anxious about that before, bc i was thinking, oh god what if they just never respond, what if they just dont care about u anymore. when i saw the asks notifications, i felt a lot of relief bc i thought to myself, oh phew ok people still care about u. when i was crying while reading the fanfic, i couldn't stop crying, it felt endless. i couldn't just stop crying like i had before, and it reminded me of the time when my mom was going out to meet someone that she met on a dating app, and it was in the earlier times when she started doing this; she had gotten involved with some terrible men in the past, men who catfished her and were rlly vulgar and gross. im sure this was somewhere in June, when i had just posted chapter 1 of the slytherpuff series bc when i was freaking out about the date, i wrote about it in my journal and i know that it was somewhere in June bc i wrote something like “mom is going out to meet someone and im nervous, please please please i hope shes ok and careful, im really nervous and scared, no one likes my writing, mom is probably in danger, oh god oh gosh”. it was just a whole bunch of negative and anxious thoughts, including how i was feeling about the whole situation with chapter 1, so that's how i know it was somewhere in June. anyways, basically i was really scared for my mom bc shes had a bad history with online men and i was scared that someone was gonna kill her. i read and listen to a lot of murder mysteries, so my mind was going absolutely wild. i remember on that day, i went to take a shower after writing that entry in the journal, bc showering makes me feel better. when i stepped into the shower i started crying bc i was really scared for her and i was hoping she was safe and ok but i was just feeling so scared so i was crying and i couldn't stop crying. that was the scary part because i just kept bawling and i couldn't stop like i usually do; my brain said ok that's enough, you’ve cried enough, but my heart just kept going on and on and my brain said ok ok jessica holy jesus that's enough and eventually i sucked it up and was kinda ok afterwards but still sad and numb. that was similar to what had happened about 20 min ago. also im sure i was also sad today bc yesterday, my mom talked to me about in-person college visits, and her demeanor was very rushed and controlling. she said, “ok jessica we’re gonna do the college visits, we’re gonna drive there, and your dad is gonna come home for that. tell him that you need to do that, ok? tell him we do the college visits together.” i said that colleges are doing virtual tours, and her facial expression was very strained, she was like “DO NOT TELL HIM THAT. dont tell him that, ok?!” and she was pointing her finger at me and everything. she said, “tell him we’re going to do the physical college tours, which colleges do you wanna visit??” and she kept telling me not to tell him about the virtual tours. it reminded me of whenever she told me to say this or that to my dad over the phone, and i was upset, like oh great ok so dad’s coming home and i dont even wanna see him bc i dont like him that much, and now im gonna have to lie bc dad is probably gonna already know about the virtual tours and im gonna have to pretend that none of the colleges are doing virtual tours. in essence, today was a terrible day. while i was crying my eyes out when reading the fanfic, i wanted to tell something, i wanted to reach out to lee and jolie, but my brain said that i would burden them, im always telling them about stuff that happens (concerning my family or other stuff) and its probably getting too much for them.  my brain said that they wont be able to help anyway, im still gonna have to deal with the stuff im dealing with, and no one can help. that's a sad thought, it seems so helpless and sad. sometimes i overthink the smallest things, and when i see a text from lee and jolie that doesnt seem “right”, i think, oh gosh they hate me now, why did i have to say that?? i usually see my therapist every Thursday, aka today, but we didnt meet this time bc her schedule is becoming busy so now we’re gonna do it every other week, so next week i shall see her. perhaps she can help. 

thank you for this ask, it seemed so out of the blue bc no one rlly sends asks like this anymore. while writing this, i literally thought to myself, shes like an angel sent from heaven